Tuesday, August 11, 2009

final copy of twilight fanfic

When the situations calm down, Bella and Edward decide to travel around the world as a second honeymoon – since the first ended up as a disaster with Bella getting pregnant – while Renesmee stays in Folks with Jacob and Charlie. However, the trip lasts longer than they expected and Renesmee gets worried when there’s no news from her parents for 10years…

Renesmee woke up with a start. Another nightmare, she shuddered. It was only dawn, and as always, she could hear the rain softly hitting the grass. Where are Bella and Edward? Are they aware that she, their one and only daughter – although she has turned the same age as her mother 4hours before, which is a year older than her father - even existed? She knew that they did, because they always sent a birthday present for her. Last year it was a new mp3 player with latest design from Japan, filled with music probably selected by Edward. His taste of music never changes, she thought, he probably doesn’t know the word ‘trend’ or just ignores it. Two years ago, she found a BMW standing beside Charlie’s cab. She knew it was from her parents because there were Edward’s choice of CD’s and Bella’s choice of books inside the car, but she never found out how it got to her place. There were no notes, let alone a letter. In fact, there hasn’t been any ‘words’ from them since at least five years ago.

No mails. No posts. Not even a tiny parcel standing outside the door. Renesmee has waited till it’s time for the posts to arrive, but there were none for her. Jacob has come, with a huge birthday cake probably baked by Emily(his boss’s wife), and a HUGE bear-hug that would have killed a normal human. Charlie is not up yet, so the two of them are having breakfast, of Emily’s special chocolate fudge cake.
“Where do you think they are now?”
“Huh?” Jacob paused, with mouth still full of cake, trying to figure out who Renesmee’s talking about.
“Do you think they are so far away that their post didn’t arrive in time for my birthday?” which she doubts. Edward is perfect in that way.
“Maybe. You know that they won’t forget your birthday- the present might be held up somewhere because there’s a problem.”
She knew that Jacob too, doubts his idea. If something happened, Alice would have seen it ahead.
Suddenly, Jacob’s hands caught Renesmee’s, and her emotions flowed into his mind.
“You don’t like this,” he stated.
“No. I feel like there’s something going on, but I don’t know what it is.”
She was also a bit disappointed in her parents by their forgetfulness-and was embarrassed by feeling so- but gladly Jacob did not mention it.

That was when the phone rang.
“Renesmee, you need to come. Alice needs to talk to you.”
“Rosalie? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. At least, Alice says so. But hurry!”
“Can Jacob come?”
“Well, I’d like to say know, but there’s no time to argue with you, so do as you like.”

The two of them ran to the Cullen’s. They did not say anything, but were both worrying about the same idea. Alice needs to talk to Renesmee. She must have seen something, possibly related to Bella and Edward. At the thought of this, Renesmee could not run anymore. Jacob held her tight, practically carrying her all the way to the Cullen’s old house.

They were sitting at the dining table, all of them looking glum.
“Alice? What is it?”
“Renesmee, sorry that I interrupted your birthday breakfast with Jacob,”
Of course she saw that.
“But I needed to see you urgently.”
“It seems that something has happened to Bella and Edward, but Alice couldn’t see exactly what has happened, or what is going to happen.” Carlisle explained briefly.
“One thing I am certain is that we are all going to be flying over to Renee’s, including Charlie.”

Indeed they were. Renesmee dragged Charlie out of his bed, who, because of confusion, could not utter a word until he got off the plane and realised where he was, with whom.
“Um…why are we here?” he was still confused.
“We don’t know,” was the only answer Renesmee could give. She thought about thousands of possibilities that could have happened to her parents, which made her feel worse and worse. She reached for Jacob’s hand. It always made her feel better. He squeezed her hands.
“You have never been to Renee’s, right?”
“No. She always came to Folks.”

When Renesmee walked out of the toilet, no one was to be seen except Jacob.
“Where is everyone?”
“Dunno, no one was here when I came back from the toilet.”
They looked everywhere, back in the toilet, souvenir shops and even asked the helpdesk lady to make an announcement, but no one came.
“What should we do? We’ve waited for an hour already. “
“Hm…”
“Jacob, I’m scared. What’s happening to us? Where have they gone?”
Renesmee looked as if she was going to cry. Jacob thought for a moment, and stood up taking her hands.
“Let’s eat something. I'm starving.”

After finishing off five chilli dogs in a row, Jacob looked at Renesmee with concerned eyes.
“Aren’t you gonna eat? You must be hungry.”
“Are you not worried about the situation? How could you eat at a time like this?”
“Well, there’s no point starving yourself in a bad situation, is there? It only makes you feel worse,”
She had to smile at that.
“Ah, now you’re smiling.” He sounded satisfied.
“Let’s plan our next action, then. Do we know Renee’s address?”
“No, but it might be written in my diary.”
When Renesmee opened her bag, she found something that she did not recognise before.
[Renesmee, you must go to the store marked on this map. Ask for Benjamin. –Alice-]
There was a map drawn under the note.

Renesmee and Jacob caught a taxi and showed him the map.
“Why waste money? Walking would be faster.” Jacob suggested.
“We don’t know this place well. It would be quicker to let ourselves driven to the store.”

The store was shabby, with various antiques placed in a casual, but neat way.
A mirror caught Renesmee’s eyes. It was a small, portable mirror with winged shapes on both sides.
“A mirror that reflects the true beauty. Said to be dropped by an angel.” A voice explained.
Renesmee looked up with a start. Jacob was staring at the shadow that just appeared from the counter.
“You could have it for free,” The stranger offered.
“Benjamin,” Jacob sneered. He seemed to know the man.
“You are Benjamin? I was told to come here…” Renesmee hesitated, not knowing what she should say. There were no other directions from Alice.

“Yes, I know, don’t worry.”
“I should’ve known it was you when I heard the name,” Jacob interrupted.
Benjamin looked up, as if he just realised the presence of Jacob.
“Ah, you are that werewolf. What was your name…?”
“Jacob,” It was Renesmee who answered, “But how do you know each other? I”
Jacob looked away from Benjamin, resisting the urge to tear him up into pieces.
“It’s a long story.” Benjamin smiled.
“Let’s go, Renesmee.” Jacob pulled her towards the door, but was stopped by Benjamin, who blocked the door in an instant. Renesmee realised.
“You are like us.” Suddenly, she was tense.
“More like ‘you’ I’d say.”
“What do you mean?”
“He is half vampire, like you.” Jacob said, trying to pull Benjamin away.
Renesmee’s eyes went wide. She stared at Benjamin, the first creature of her own kind she has met in her life. Then she turned to Jacob.
“Isn’t he a friend? Why are you glowering at him?”
“I don’t like him,” Jacob did not take his eyes off the half-vampire friend, who, despite Jacob’s stare, looked comfortable.
“Well, let’s get to the business, so that you could leave as soon as you can.”

Half an hour later, two half-vampires and a sulking werewolf were walking on a crowded road.
“Can I really have it?” Renesmee asked.
“I told you before that you can, since it’s your special day”
“And how did you know It’s her birthday?” Benjamin hesitated at Jacob’s comment. At last he replied,
“I did not, I just said it’s her special day.”

They were heading to a small cottage. It was beautiful; with gardens of all sorts of flowers-daisies, lilies, roses…Renesmee loved them.
“Wow, is this your house? This is a dream place!”
“Glad you like it.” Benjamin smiled, which made Jacob frown.
“Now, could you wait outside for a minute?”
After exactly one minute, Jacob pushed Renesmee in.
“OK, boy. One minute’s up!” He shouted.
BOOM!!!!
Renesmee blocked her ears, not knowing what in the world has happened.
“Happy Birthday, Renesmee!”
When she uncovered her ears and opened her eyes, she could not believe her eyes; her parents! They were suppose to be in somewhere far away-like Japan or Egypt- if not in any danger. Does that mean they are in danger? It doesn’t seem so…Her mind turned blank. She was so confused. At last, she yelled,
“What are you guys doing here? I was worried sick…”
She could not finish, as her families-Alice, Rosalie, Charlisle, Esme, Emmet, Jasper-and even Charlie! -strolled in, with friends she remembers from her childhood, Zafrina from the Amazone, Tanya and her family…then she remembered.
“Benjamin!”
There he was, with sly smile on his face, certainly satisfied with himself.
“I remember you now. You helped us when the Volturi came.”
“I was a bit disappointed that you forgot me, although I guess that made it easier for me to trick you.”
Renesmee turned to Bella.
“Mum,”
“Yes, honey.”
“You’re not hurt?”
“No, not at all.”
“And Dad?”
“He’s fine, as you see.”
“You two tricked me!”
Edward smiled.
“Ah, it was hard. I had to ask Alice to help as she could see what we’re up to, and we had to resist writing to you for few years…”
“Which made me worry so much!”
“Sorry, Renesmee, but we wanted you to be surprised.”
He apologized, and turned to Jacob.
“Now, for the present. I did not like the idea but Bella insisted.”
He walked towards Jacob, whose hands were still on Renesmee’s back.
“Jacob, take care of her or I’ll fly here and kill you in the most cruel way you can imagine.”
Than he turned to Renesmee, taking out a set of keys.
“Happy birthday, Renesmee. This place is yours. You can give one of the keys to Jacob, IF you want him to live with you. Of course you can live alone, if you prefer.
Renesmee giggled.
“Nice try, dad. I can’t live without Jacob. We’re bonded to each other.”
“I already designed her wedding dress,” Alice joined in excitedly.
Bella sighed. “Go on, Alice, we won’t disagree, you saw yourself doing it.”

Renesmee was in white, looking as if she is the happiest person in the world. She looked up at the person – werewolf, to be exact – standing next to her. He looked handsome in black suits, although his expressions said that it was deadly uncomfortable.
“Yes” he answered to the preacher. The preacher turned to her, and asked the same question.
“Yes” she answered, the same way as her husband-to-be-in a minute.
She knew, that her story will be ‘happily ever after’, forever without an end.

4 comments:

  1. I enjoyed that :-) Your grammar and language use was really nice and flowing, and I liked your descriptions of each location - "The store was shabby, with various antiques placed in a casual, but neat way" for example.

    I don't know enough about Twilight to be able to comment on the characters, but the story itself was interesting - the mysterious disappearances building suspense.

    Well done!

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  2. Hi Sora, very good fanfic. Really enjoy the story.
    But there are some grammar and tenses mistakes like:
    She was also a bit disappointed in her parents by their forgetfulness (I take this line from your fan fiction)
    I think instead of in her parents, you can use with her parents or from her parents as per sentence requirement.
    I am thinking if you delete the word like bit in upper sentence and other words that are not quite useful in fan fiction, then you can reduce your word count.
    I think if you fix these minor mistakes, the fan fiction become more interesting.

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  3. Sora - for the most part a well written ff - however my one concern is the length -could you try and redraft it in a more concise and potentially stronger form . . . might be an interesting exercise.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, rob, Gurbinder and Darryl,
    I'll correct and edit my fanfic again =)

    ReplyDelete