When the situations calm down, Bella and Edward decide to travel around the world as a second honeymoon – since the first ended up as a disaster with Bella getting pregnant – while Renesmee stays in Folks with Jacob and Charlie. However, the trip lasts longer than they expected and Renesmee gets worried when there’s no news from her parents for 10years…
Renesmee woke up with a start. Another nightmare, she shuddered. It was only dawn, and as always, she could hear the rain softly hitting the grass. Where are Bella and Edward? Are they aware that she, their one and only daughter – although she has turned the same age as her mother 4hours before, which is a year older than her father - even existed? She knew that they did, because they always sent a birthday present for her. Last year it was a new mp3 player with latest design from Japan, filled with music probably selected by Edward. His taste of music never changes, she thought, he probably doesn’t know the word ‘trend’ or just ignores it. Two years ago, she found a BMW standing beside Charlie’s cab. She knew it was from her parents because there were Edward’s choice of CD’s and Bella’s choice of books inside the car, but she never found out how it got to her place. There were no notes, let alone a letter. In fact, there hasn’t been any ‘words’ from them since at least five years ago.
No mails. No posts. Not even a tiny parcel standing outside the door. Renesmee has waited till it’s time for the posts to arrive, but there were none for her. Jacob has come, with a huge birthday cake probably baked by Emily(his boss’s wife), and a HUGE bear-hug that would have killed a normal human. Charlie is not up yet, so the two of them are having breakfast, of Emily’s special chocolate fudge cake.
“Where do you think they are now?”
“Huh?” Jacob paused, with mouth still full of cake, trying to figure out who Renesmee’s talking about.
“Do you think they are so far away that their post didn’t arrive I time for my birthday?” which she doubts. Edward is perfect in that way.
“Maybe. You know that they won’t forget your birthday- the present might be held up somewhere because there’s a problem.
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ReplyDeleteHi Mate
ReplyDeleteI like your fanfic
You have composed sufficient text to explore and develop your ideas. You have shown a good awareness of audience expecation, I mean the things interest young people, such as MP3, BMW and so on. You have used this blog well that shows a good understanding and skill of the technology. Your texts are easy to read and a good presentation.
That is all so far, good on you mate.
Plesae go to my draft and leave me few suggestions for improvement, welcome.
Best Regards
Jason wang
Thank you =)
ReplyDeleteI like the introduction paragraph. These sentences are the best:
ReplyDelete"Renesmee woke up with a start. Another nightmare, she shuddered. It was only dawn, and as always, she could hear the rain softly hitting the grass."
Because it has a lot of detailed words. I think if you can describe all your paragraphs with in-depth detail the reader can even create a picture in there mine of the story.
Hey :-) I like how you've used aspects of the characters themselves - it is very clear that you're building on the existing characters.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up - I look forward to the next part.
hey, I enjoy reading the fanfic.To make it more interesting, as rob said , explain it in more words, which will take the more attention of the reader.
ReplyDelete